Tale of the Treadmill Woman

To the Woman-Always-on-the-Treadmill

I see you on the treadmill when I enter the gym

I see you on the treadmill when I leave the gym

I see you playing trainer-the-trainer

Convincing your trainer that the treadmill is the only thing made for you

And only you

Much to the bewilderment of everyone around

I see your worried trainer trying to convince you to get off the darned machine

To the Woman-Always-on-the-Treadmill

I see you on the treadmill when I enter the gym

I see you on the treadmill when I leave the gym

At 65Kgs you have not a visible sign of extra fat

55Kgs is what you aim for

By running on the treadmill

And only treadmill

Much to the annoyance of your trainer

Twelve and a half minutes is all that I could manage

On the treadmill

Newbie that I am

You run at a maniac speed next to me

I walk at a snail’s speed next to you

I see you on the treadmill when I enter the gym

I see you on the treadmill when I leave the gym

To the Woman-Always-on-the-Treadmill

I admire your level of endurance

I chose not to run next to you

Or walk next to you

It does nothing for my levels of motivation

I now know

Why nobody walks next to you

Why nobody runs next to you

 

Meet the Jallad

Trainers are not Jallads, remember this?

I digress.

Some Trainers are!

Trainer T – The Tall Chap

Made me do such a lot of weights!

Every centimeter on my body is aching!

Says it’ll take at least a week for my body to adjust!

If I survive, bhaiya!

Bhaiya matt bolo!

!!!

 

Trainers are not Jallads

The art of subtle persuasion seems to be the only thing that works with yours truly. Trainer S finally managed to get PA to run(!) at a speed of 3 on the treadmill. PA wanted to run at a speed of 0.5 but Trainer S negotiated and made it 1.2, told PA to not look at the meter, or whatever that is called, or maybe console a la gaming console. Dontcha look down, reiterated the trainer; and very deftly increased the darn speed to 2, then 2.5 and then 3. I’ll bloody fall down, wailed PA. Before you vanish to the other end, Trainer S, tell me how to stop this silly thing, so that I can jump if I am about to die. Why die on the run, and more so why die on a darn treadmill!

Ten minutes, you can do it, nothing will happen, so many people around are doing it, requested the Trainer. Yes, requested with a capital R. Not instructed. That’s what happens when PA walks in and says that she is shit scared of the treadmill and instructs that it would be the last thing she would ever do! PA instructs; trainer requests!

Realization #1

It’s called a treadmill; not a threadmill. PA has been calling it a threadmill all her life.

Realization #2

Running on the treadmill is not all that scary. Especially if you run at a speed of three!

Tidbits of the week

Trainers are not Jallads, points out a wise person to PA. Jallad is a Hindi word and it means Hang-Man.

After about an hour of fiddling training on various demonic machines and with a couple of weights, PA felt fresh as a dew drop. Not for long though! The aches and pains started after a few hours. And right now I am limping on one leg. The upper thigh seems to have frozen. Does everyone experience this on the first day at the Gym? Or is it only me?

By now the question on everyone’s mind would be – PA, chairperson of the anti-gym committee, yeh chamatkar kaise ho gaya? Chamatkar is a Hindi word and it means Miracle. Well, my deah, miracles do happen. It so happened that PA accompanied a dear one to a gym for an enquiry. She liked the feel good factor when she walked in. To gym or not to gym, was the dilemma that followed for a few days. Being fit and staying fit is a good thing, everyone said, which was logical enough. People wanted to know if it was to lose weight. 56Kgs for a Five Feet and a Half Woman doesn’t really call for a weight-loss program. Being fit and toning up, certainly counts.

Questions on PA’s mind

#1

Why do women wear lipsticks to the gym?

#2

Why do some men concentrate more on the female species sauntering around? Why not concentrate on the heavy-duty equipment they are working on?