Song On My Mind – Angreji Mein Kehte Hain

 

I happened to watch this song after eons today, thanks to BA. I totally love the peppyness and joyfulness this song exudes.

In love with this song!

Hum tum pe itna dying jitna sea mein paani lying

 

Wordless Wednesday 22.09.2010

Courtesy Nokia N73 Music Edition Phone Camera

 

Whats in a Surname

To the People

Who use only their first name

As a way of introducing themselves

And then get annoyed

Just because we can’t place them

Hi! Y here!

Who Y?

Y here, Y! Don’t you remember!

You have a surname for a reason

Use that

 

Basic Garam Masala

Punjabi Garam Masala – Basic

How to make it at home?

Get hold of the following ingredients first:

1. Jeera : 50gms
2. Ajwain : 10gms
3. Laung : 1 spoon
4. Dalchini : 5-6 sticks
5. Kali mirchi : 25-30gms
6. Kali elaichi : 12-15
7. Tej patta : 4-5
8. Sounth : 1-2
9. Dhaniya seeds : 3-4 spoons

Roast all these and grind it in the mixer to make it a fine powder. And we have the Basic Punjabi Garam Masala ready!

There are various other variations of Garam Masala… you may add a piece of jayfal also which gives it an altogether different quality. There are various other ingredients that can be added to make other evolved forms of Garam Masala.

 

The bhaajiwala tales

Chronicles of PA#1

This is were PA turns into a 50′s style housewife.

And sings Raag Bhayankar.

PA needs to go and buy vegetables from the bhaaji market. Something that she has never done before. She has been to the bhaaji market a couple of times before, albeit hardly ever alone. It’s usually with Mom. But she is petrified of going alone. But she has to. What needs to be done, needs to be done. She also needs to run other errands and accomplish other gharelu tasks which albeit need to be accomplished outside the house, like getting milk, going to the temple and giving daan/donation, etc.

PA being PA needs a chronological order in which she needs to do all this. Some sort of a flowchart would rather be preferable, she thinks. However Mom refuses to fulfill this wish of hers, instead offers her a chronological order which PA needs to mentally make a note of, so insists the mother.

The mother also gives PA important pointers which will help her in doing the task at hand efficiently.

Instructions given to PA:

1. Take a wallet which has the required cash handy in it. Keep chutta/chillar/loose cash/coins separately. (Tips from PA – Yes, PA also gives tips – Chillar plays an important part if you intend to play the household types, the 50′s style)

2. Carry wallet, shopping bag (as plastic bags of the flimsy kinds are banned) and some other food items in a separate bag which need to be donated at the temple.

3. Once outside the house – Go to ABC bania shop and buy x number of y packets of biscuits. How much would each cost, PA asks just so that she knows where she is heading in life err… in her mission. Well, PA needs to know the cost implications beforehand, nah? Anyways, z is the amount that she needs to pay the bania for the said number of biscuit packets. Good, PA thinks, now she won’t have to do mathematical calculations in front of the bania else she might forget the other gharelu-shopping instructions.

4. Place the packets of biscuits in the bag containing the other food items which need to be donated.

5. Go to the temple and give the donation wala bag – basically anna daan to any needy person or beggar sitting outside the temple. Important pointer by Mom – Make sure you give this donation to a needy person outside the temple and NOT to any visitor who is visiting the temple for darshan and certainly not to any passer-by. Knowing PA’s lost-mindedness, this is indeed a very important and crucial point. Imagine what would happen if you give daan to any random person??? Also another important point, make sure that you don’t stand there for long as other beggars would mob you and take care of your wallet and mobile at this time. Beggars would mob PA?!!! Kya din aa gaye hain!

6. Once done with Step 5, walk a few steps ahead of the temple, you will notice a nariyal-wala… err coconut wala. Next to it would be OUR bhaajiwala – the baajiwala that we usually buy fresh vegetables from and next to it would be the fruitwala. PA tries to ratofy, so our bhaajiwala is basically between the nariyal-wala and the fruit-wala. Repeat thrice. Done.

7. Go to OUR bhaajiwala and tell him to give you 1 Kilo of Tomatoes, Half Kilo Dhoodhi and Pao Kilo Bhindi. Tell him you are xyz Aunty’s daughter and he will recollect, so says the mom.  You can then choose the required vegetables from the lot yourself or tell the bhaajiwala to do the needful in case you are confused. PA anyways prefers the later. Tell him to keep the stuff ready while you do the rest of the shopping. Haan, we are anyways his regular customer. Itna toh karna hee chahiye, nah? And tell him to sort the tomatoes, dhoodhi and bhindi of the kinds that xyz aunty usually buys.

Question time for PA: Whats Dhoodhi? Whats Pao? She gets a demonstration for Dhoodhi. Now whats Pao?! 250gms, my lovelies Now ratofication time: Tomatoes, Dhoodhi, Bhindi – One, Half, Pao… that’s the order. Important pointer by Mom – Make sure that you call ‘dhoodhi’ a ‘dhoodhi’ only in front of the bhaajiwala, he wouldn’t understand otherwise. Don’t call it by the various other names or nick names that you have bestowed on it. Pointed to be noted, mere aakaa. PA also makes a mental note of the approximate amount that she would need to pay the bhaajiwala depending on the current market price of the said vegetables.

8. Once you’ve placed the order with the Bhaajiwala and instructed him to do the needful, its then time to buy Potatoes from the potatao-wala. Now where the hell is the potato wala??? PA wonders aloud. Behind the Fruit-wala. Oh ya, refer step6. Behind the fruitwala is MNO shop… Alright I need to buy Potatoes from MNO shop, PA interrupts. Noooooooooooo, says Mom… MNO is a salon!!! The Potato wala is behind the fruitwala and infront of this MNO shop. Okay, don’t go in to this MNO salon asking for potatoes, PA tells herself.

How much do I need to pay the potato wala, PA asks.

Rs. X, says Mom.

Rs. X per potato?

Noooooooooooo, Rs. X for the one kilo of potatoes, NOT PER POTATO. Else people around the city would be eating vada-pavs for a 100!!!!

Err.

9. Once you go to the potato-wala, you will see two varieties of potatoes. Here manual sorting is required. Choose potatoes from the better of the two qualities, the one which is slightly more expensive than the other. Well, how do I do the manual sorting, so asks PA. How may potatoes do I need to choose via this manual sorting, asks PA. One kilo. How much will be one kilo potato? You’ll know by andaaza. Err… what is andaaza… you tell me by quantity. Approximately n number of potatoes. Good I can never get this andaaza thingy ever!!!

Here there is a three step process in choosing the right potato: 1. It shouldn’t be too soft else it will go bad easily and soon. 2. It shouldn’t have too many holes in it. 3. It shouldn’t have green patches in it else it will be too kacca. Rehearsed -1,2,3… done. Sort and put these potatoes in a tokri and get 1 Kg of these. Okay.

Pay the potato-wala. Get these potatoes in the shopping bag you that you have taken from home.

10. Once done with the potatoes, come back to the bhaajiwala and collect the vegetables that you has told him to keep ready. Make sure that you tell him to put extra masala. Err… masala? Whats that? Free dhaniya, ginger, mirchi etc. He knows ‘masala’. You don’t need to explain him that. Good.

11. Then go to DEF milk shop. If that is closed go to PQR milk shop. And get half a litre of milk for giving it in the temple tomorrow morning.

12. And then come back home.

And this is what eventually transpired when PA was out on her gharelu mission:

Step1: As instructed. Ekdum.

Step2: As instructed. Ekdum ekdum.

Step3: At the bania shop – PA sees a man taking a walk inside the shop. She wonders if he is a customer or is he The Bania. She thinks of the repercussions if she asks the man for biscuits and he turns out to be a customer. Aap owner… err dukandaar ho kya, PA asks just to be on the safer side. Yes, he says. Good. And buys the biscuits.

Step4: As instructed. Ekdum *multiply by* 4

Step5: PA was petrified of this Step. The word M.O.B was playing Raag Bhayankar in her mind. Also PA had to be extra careful and cautious that she doesn’t give the daan to a temple visitor or a passer-by. It had to be a needy person. PA had scenes cropping up in her mind of giving daan to a temple visitor and the embarrassing looks on either faces. What if the other person uttered some not so nice words. PA needs to be extraaaa careful. Very careful. She carefully scans the crowd outside the temple. Locates and urchin kid and hands him the entire bag of daan. And moves away swiftly before the other beggars and urchin locate her and pounce on her! Done with Step5 safely.

Step6: Locates OUR bhaajiwala and grins at herself.

Step7: PA walks up to the bhaaji wala, smiles at him (why did PA smile at him, even I wonder) and tells him – ek kilo tamatar, aadha kilo dhoodhi aur pao kilo bhindi in the tone of an expert. Bhaaji wala smiles back at her. Err too many smile exchanges. Why do I need to smile so much in the bhaaji market… Its after all just a bhaaji market. Need to keep a check on that. Aap yeh sab bhaaji nikal ke rakho… main xyx aunty ki beti hoon… unke regular tarah se pack kar ke rakho… tamatar ache aur lal, bhindi choti size ki aur dhoodhi ummmm…. errr…. acchi wali. Aaap yeh sab nikal ke rakho main paanch minute mein aati hoon. Done with Step7, finally!!!!

Step8 & 9: Located potato-wala. Thankfully didn’t go inside the salon and ask for potatoes! Thank God for that! At the potato wala, a lot of women in their 40′s were sorting and choosing potatoes. Err… why am I here? Anyways, PA tries to see if she can squeeze in somewhere, stand aaramse and sort+choose potatoes. Par aisa toh hota nahin hai, PA observes. So, she squeezes herself and stands between two 40-ish women who were totally engrossed with the sorting and choosing. PA looks at each one of them. They look back at her. Well by now they had guessed that PA was about to take baby steps in the art of potato sorting-choosing-buying. PA observed their procedure and along with the 3 pointers given by mom, did the sorting and choosing and kept the potatoes in the tokri. And hands over the tokri to the dukhandaar. Ek kilo, she says. Do kilo, he says. Nahin nahin mujhe ek kilo hee chahiye, PA says. Par aapne tokri mein do kilo daala hai, toh de doon kya? Nahin, PA says. Takes one kilo, pays him and does away with Step8

Quantity ‘n’ went for a toss as that depends on the potato size. Lesson1 of the day. A woman pushed PA with her bums at the potato wala and didn’t even say sorry. There is no time for sorries in the bhaaji market. Lesson2. Bhaaji market mein bhi koi sorry bolta hai kya!

Step10: Went back to the bhaaji wala and collected the vegetables. Told him to add masala. Dhaniya daala? Ginger daala? Hari mirch daala? Err…. baaki sab daal, PA asks. Yes he says and waves a green jhaadi at me. Yeh bhi daalon kya? Haan haan daal do. PA didn’t have any clue as to what that small green jhaadi was until she came home. It was the kari patta, by the way. I get confused with all these pattas!

I ask him how much only to realize that he has also accounted for the ‘masala’ instead of giving it free. PA should have asked for the free ‘masala’ AFTER doing the payment. Very important lesson of the day. The great indian housewife is someone who is able to extract these freebies from bhaajiwalas. Aha! Pleasures of doing grocery shopping in the bhaaji market. Something that you can never experience in the malls. A first for me… even though I failed at it miserably.

And blunder of blunders – I snap back at the bhaajiwala… OUR bhaajiwala and tell him in front of some 7-8 other customers of his that yeh masala toh aap hamesha bhaaji ke saath free dete ho! He grinned back sheepishly at me. He had no other choice. PA realized that thsi is actually an art… the art of vegetable buying and the art of getting the best deal as well as freebies. Never ever talk about best prices and freebies in front of other customers. Never ever. Thats harakiri. Good that the bhaajiwala didn’t murder me!

Step11: Thankfully milk is available at DEF milk shop else she would have had to walk down to the other one! Doodh hai? Aadha litre wala? (PA was about to aadha kilo dhoodh… thankfully she realized before the words could reach the shop-wala’s ears. Haan madam. Kaunsa chahiye? Koi bhi de do. He keeps 2-3 packets in front of me. All were of the same price so PA choses the one which was more fancier looking. Err… what else! Pays him, places the milk packet aaramse in the shopping bag and heads home.

Step12: PA reaches home safely.

Thus ends PA’s maiden gharelu maha-puraan.

 

Bujho toh jaane

Have you ever thought why is my blog called ‘And the Music Plays’???

No one has ever asked me this. I wonder why?

 

Zoobi Doobi

Yeah thats the song on my mind today!

What else can happen if PA ends up dreaming of this song last night?

 

BA’s wise-crack# 471871

After watching the Idea TVC…

Sirjee, aap pre-pedh ho ya post-pedh ho?

BA’s wise crack on it: Pre-pedh ya post-pedh ka toh nahin pata, par yeh woh pedh hai jisase Aishwarya ne shaadi ki hai…

 

Yeh pet pet ki baat hai

What have I been doing of late? Blogging, ofcourse! Only in my dreams!

And eating? Nah – not as much! Bad stomach and all that jazz! Apparently my stomach and I decided to part ways. We had a tripartite agreement between my tongue, my mood and my stomach. After a certain point of time The Stomach started having its own mood swings without giving much weightage to My Mood (food moods, you see!). Anyways till I find another stomach to sign the agreement, I have been forced to survive on seedha-saadha khana.

Kya karein paapi pet ka sawaal hai!

 

When PA’s mind stops working…

And the date is 01.01.10

Well actually it was showing such signs since a few days!

Its the bye-bye-old-year-come-come-new-year syndrome.

PA feels listless when she sees anything going away. She doesn’t like goodbyes. Even if it was as wretched as the terrible2009 with a capital T.

So now we are done with the goodbyes and have bid adieu to 2009 with some mwah-mwahs which was as fake as Rakhi Sawant’s swayamvar.

And now we welcome 2010 with open arms. Aaaoji aaoji Twenty-Ten! Ki haal chaal? Chai-shai piyo, pakode-shakode khao…

New year resolutions – nothing really. Let’s leave that on the blog’s readers for the time-being.  You may make multiple choices if you fancy.

~o~o~o~o~o~

To all my lovely blog readers and lurkers,

Have a blessed 2010!

And this song is for you – Aaallll izzzz wellllll… honton ko garke gol… seeti baja ke bol…

 

One more swayamvar

Saw the promos of Rahul ka Swayamvar. The show is called rahul dulhaniya le jayenge. Every dog has his day. Mad dogs have more than one day.

Will someone actually want to marry that moron especially after what he did to his ex-wife??? Well the prospectives brides believe in the saying – ‘aa bail mujhe maar’ oops! ‘aa rahul varmala daal’.

Why am I even taking about that bird-brained idiot at this hour? I am sure to get nightmares today.

Over and out. Dhan Tan Dhan.

 

Of 3 Idiots and a sanki buddha

The ’3 Idiots’ trailer looks funky. The only turn-off is that its based on a Chetan Bhagat book! Hopefully it shouldn’t sink like ‘Hello’ which was also based on one of his books. Hello, hello, hello, hello, hello… Wrong number! Ya, this is what happened. Period.

The advent of social networking sites since a couple of years has done a lot of good to this earth. Yes, I know… by now your mind (yes! you) must be floating around the random dating that you must have done courtesy these sites. And no, I am not talking about that. The biggest boon is the humor that it injects into people’s sad lives (eg. PA’s life) by way of humorous and ultra silly ‘frandship’ requests. Padho aur haso. Nahin hasi aati toh bhag jaayo!

Aaj wala ‘frandship’ request:

“I am cordially invite as a frandship with you. Thanks and have a nice day.”

Now don’t come back saying things like – why do such things happen with PA only? Blah. Apne andar jhank ke dekho… you’ll find a pitara of such things.

Arre tuchch praani! See humor in things around you. Why make the serious life even more serious by being serious about everything. Haso muskurao jiyo. Do you want your grandchildren to call you a sanki buddha? No na.

 

wtf moment # 46562

Couple of months ago – random conversation with an acquaintance:

He: I think I like you.

PA: Why?

He: You look faithful.

~~~ PA didn’t know that she gave out such vibes! Faithfulness-wala vibes!!! Shucks! ~~~

~~~ WTF moment of the day ~~~

 

Shaitan ki aatma – The hichki katha

What happens when you get hichki? You are tortured advised by every living animal creature on the whys and whats and hows and whens and so on.

A similar thing happened with PA  a couple of days ago. As the clock told the world that its 10 in the night, like a shaitan ki aatma it (arre! the hichki baba!) entered PA’s body and possessed it.

‘It’ hereby refers to the hichki aka the shaitan ki aatma.

The moment it entered, it made its presence loud and clear. What did it sound like? For the first few minutes it sounded like the sound of a new born donkey. And then it started its magnificent tandav and its decibel was enough to kill kumbhakaran in its sleep or maybe just wake him up and make him run helter skelter for cover. Move over dude, you have competition!

Dude = Kumbhakaran

Now this doesn’t mean that all dudes can be called kumbhakaran. Samjha. Anyone who eats like a pig and sleeps like a log can be called dude, okay. The rest can be called duds!!!

Back to the Hichki Puraan…

PA then ran around the house like a wild boar. The shaitan ki aatma even urged her to put the ‘hichki‘ status on Gtalk. Aha! We lead parallel virtual lives, my dahlings, don’t we?!

And as everyone knows, PA’s onscreen (virtual) life is as filmy as her offscreen (real) life.

And then the drama unfolds. Starting with the offscreen one and then moving on to the onscreen one.

~o~ Offscreen…

PA: Hai re hichki… chali ja… kyun aa gayi mujhe sata ne… maine tera kya bigada…

BA: Hehe… tujhe hichki ho gayi

PA: Mujhe koi gaali de raha hai kya?

BA: Ya phir maybe bohot yaad/miss kar raha hoga

PA: Haan yaar… pata nahin kyun ye bedard aa jaati hai… half the world says Option 1 and half the world says Option 2… Toh ab samajh mein nahin aata ke gaali de raha hai ke yaad/miss kar raha hai… Jo bhi kar raha hai… start toh yaad karne se hi kiya hoga… phir decide kiya hoga ke miss karoon ya gaali doon… Jo bhi hai ullu ke patthe… band kar yaad karna… maar delega kya?

PA kept hicki-ing after every two words that she uttered during the entire conversation. Even offscreen there’s background music and that too free! Shucks!

By now the dinner that PA had a few minutes before the hichki started was giving dhamki to come out via the upper part of the body due to the vigorous and strenuous jhatkas caused due to the hichki.

PA: Arre! Band kar yaad karna… marr gayi toh sirf yaad hee karta reh jayega…

By now PA had decided to follow cure measures based on the recommendations of her loved ones. PA knew these measures prior itself but as you know when you get hichki of this types then the mind stops working. The same happened in PA’s case.

She tried having water, sugar, honey and the works. BA even gave her a big phatka on her back to scare away the hichki. But PA collapsed on the bed after getting the massive phatka from BA.

Nothing happens. The hichki is still dancing in all its glorious form.

BA: Maybe you should try reciting ABCD. Halt a few seconds after each alphabet… if it stops at a particular alphabet then you get a clue of the culprit… You can then call up the most probable person who’s name starts with that alphabet and bajao him/her.

So PA starts the hichki bhagao alphabet game. Kya kya karna padta hai yeh zaalim hichki ki wajah se!

PA: A… hichki… B… hichki… C… hichki…………Y… hichki… Z… hichki….

BA: Oh shit! Yeh A to Z toh khatam ho gaya… last time it had worked and was bang on!

PA: Oh shit! Ab kya karoon??? 1,2,3… start karoon kya?

BA: !!!

PA still doesn’t understand from where that 1,2,3 came from… dimag band + severe jhatkas ho jaata hai toh yehi hota hai…

~o~ Onscreen

PA’s Gtalk status message: Hichki!

Immediately there were tons of windows popping up!

Samples:

Character Friend XYZ:

XYZ: Hi… busy?

PA: Haan… hichki

XYZ: matlab… hichki aa rahi hai… isliye busy ? or busy in general?

Character Friend MNO:

MNO: sirr pe ek jor kee tapki padegi… sab teek ho jayega… zyada pamper ho gayi ho

Character Friend ABC:

ABC: what happened?

PA: hichki

ABC: ???? wat is that?

PA: arre hichki nahin pata kyaaaaaaa

ABC: ohh that wayz… someone is missing u babe

PA: but i’ll die this way

ABC: well then call up all the ppl who might be missing u…  u might just hit it right…

PA: how do i know???

ABC: thatz wat… just call up ur last 10 boy frds…one of them must be missing u bad :D u never know….more than one cud be missing u

PA: yeahhhhhhhhhh its gone! yipppppeeeeeeeeeeee

ABC: he he good! he must have crashed after drinking too much…

 

Dabur Baabar

I saw this advertisement a few weeks back and didn’t like it one bit. Went around the whole world telling all and sundry about the poor quality of advertisements that were being generated nowadays and the creative slaughter that was progressing by leaps and bounds.

Then one fine day, PA finds herself humming this very ad jingle while having bath. PA has a penchant for eating her own words. And let me tell you that PA doesn’t sing. She croaks. She doesn’t even sing in the bathroom lest the shower refuses to lend water.

Next day…

PA (Pointing to the TV): Oh see this ad. I love it! Dabur ka beta Humayun. Humayun ka… Akbar! Nice na!

BA: Huh? Dabur???

PA: Oh did I say Dabur?! Gosh! It’s Baabar, not Dabur…

~o~ And PA eats her own words yet again with a topping of Dabur Chawanprash ~o~

~o~ And it’s tasting nice ~o~

~o~ PA is in love with this ad ~o~

~o~ Baabar ka beta Humayun. Humayun ka… Akbar! ~o~